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Friday, April 22, 2005

The Treadmill Goose Step

I recently bough an iPod, mostly to use at the gym while running on the treadmill. Little did I know that I was buying a Nazi propaganda device, but apparently that's what I did. At least, that's what the good folks at the National Review want me to believe. Daniel P. Moloney, writing in the conservative magazine's online editon on Thursday, said this about liberal democracy:
"In this regard, the consumerism and relativism of the West can be just as dangerous as the totalitarianism of the East: It’s just as easy to forget about God while dancing to an iPod as while marching in a Hitler Youth rally. There’s a difference, to be sure, but hardly anyone would contest the observation that in elite Western society, as in totalitarian Germany, the moral vocabulary has been purged of the idea of sin. And if there’s no sense of sin, then there’s no need for a Redeemer, or for the Church." (emphasis added)
Upon reading this, I immediately reconsidered my playlist, and by God he's right. James Brown is an obvious Nazi, as are Ben Harper and (please don't alert the authorities) Bonnie Raitt.

Then it hit me. Our president has an iPod! Now the conspiracy is crystal clear.

So what does our fuhrer, er, president listen to? George Jones, Van Morrison and The Knack. Yes, you read this right, boys and girls, the leader of the free world taps his feet to "My Sharona," which includes this line: "Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind."

It's good to know that Bush appreciates songs about sex with young women, because it demonstrates his commitment to his deeply religious conservative base of supporters.

Meanwhile, Katrina vanden Heuvel, editor of The Nation, has penned an interesting article on suggested songs for Bush's playlist. Eminem's "Mosh" and Kid Rock's "Pimp of the Nation" are the top of her list, but what I liked most were some reader suggestions. This was my favorite:
Jean McIntosh from Lawrence, Kansas writes in: "On behalf of all blue staters who happen to live in red states, I'd like to nominate 'Hound Dog' from the late, great Elvis. Because of W's whining about the 'hard work' of the job which he stole from Al Gore; because of the lies of the so-called liberal media (SCLM) who said anyone who belonged to such a 'distinguished family' couldn't possibly be such a sleazy crook; because of his enthusiasm for hunting which is as great as his incompetence at it; and most of all, because 90 percent of the time, he looks as clueless as a lost dog which has just been hit over the head with a large club. "When they said you were a high class/that was just a lie…you ain't ne'er caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine." And the song's pretty catchy too.

I'm not sure how "Hound Dog" relates to Hitler, but I'm sure that Daniel P. "Baloney" Moloney does.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


4:10 AM


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